Search

Laurie Markvart's Diary

Open Search

“HOW” Lyrics for Lovers and Those Who Are Done

Laurie Markvart - Martin guitar head, tuner, Capo. Creativity.

Hello Friends,

Here are lyrics to a new song I’ll post to Youtube within the coming weeks. If the words resonate with you then embrace them. You’re not alone.

X,
L

HOW

How do I say I’m sorry
When I’m not sure I’m wrong
How do I fix broken glass
With shards that are gone.

How do I relapse into a love
That has been drunk dry
How do I care about a story
When a sigh become a lie.

How is it here, we became this
Broken in two, no longer fit
How many times did we try to make it right?
Not enough, not enough
’cause we’re here.

How the hell does ambition
Turn to regret
And trust to lust
For another to get.

How does intention
Become a memory
And purity to anger
It’s all I see.

Lyrics ©lauriemarkvart 2017

 

0

Quotes, Thoughts, and Notes

Laurie Markvart, Malibu, Writing, Creativity

Below are things I’ve said, wrote or sang. A few may be from my memoir. Query me if you desperately(!) need to know which ones. And yes, this is a picture I took. We should all at some point drink wine in a tin coffee cup while watching a tremendous sunset – February 2017. Malibu.

I’m providing these quotes below because sometimes shared words help others. 

Feel free to share if they interest you. Especially the last one considering today:

“It’s the way you look at me, piercing love astray.”

“How do I say I’m sorry when I’m not sure I’m wrong.”

“I feel your touch, I hear your sigh and you’re not even here.”

“But, he is the alpha, I know she will not debate him. At least not in front of me. But I’ll take him on. One last time.”

“Make sure you’re not running from something that leads you to nothing.”

“I hate to knock anything, although it’s such a bore.”

“There’s never been a question of my faith, it runs deep when I see you.”

“Most of the time I would listen to music, practice music, escape into music.”

“I never thought I’d struggle to say such tempting words.”

“I’ve got to believe in something to get me through this, some glorious forgiving fate that’s unexpectedly true.”

©Laurie Markvart

 

 

 

 

 

0

“Listen, Be Heard” – Lyrics from Yesterday for Today

Wicked Gypsy, Austin, Texas, 1992

I wrote these lyrics below for my old band Wicked Gypsy. We were collectively devoted to national and world issues, environment, equality, politics, justice, love, and peace. And to play music! But, often these topics were the muse behind our songs. And today, I know my brothers in the band feel the same.

When I wrote this, I was poking at our government and big corporations to play fair, be transparent and honor ALL people. Fair pay, equality to gender and race and to listen to us…WE are here. These lyrics ring truer than ever TODAY. Hence, the reason I’ve brought them back.

I usually do not explain lyrics as I prefer the listener or reader to come to their own definition, but I must clarify the line, “the truth of the dumb man always wins.” The dumb man is the everyday man, the one the government thinks is dumb and not worth worrying about, the one they think they can fool. Actually, this is the one who is left standing. And we all must stand. We must keep our mind positive, learn, and continue to fight for what is right. Period.

We also need an administration who can speak wisdom with their mouth shut. Most people know exactly what that means. If you don’t, stop talking and listen.

PEACE, L

Listen, Be Heard 

Speak the wisdom with your mouth shut
Win the system with your cutting blood
Call your lies out under your skin
Bleed to mercy your forgiven sin
You ask why? Why? You ask why? Why?

The truth of the dumb man always wins
For he is always the standing kin
He wastes no time on foolish trust
Just pay him once and time is lost
You ask why? Why? You ask why? Why?

Don’t you know? It is here.
Close your mind. Never find.
Why don’t you listen? Be heard.
Decision. Learn.
All you learn. Is decision turn.
Be heard.

Talk your thoughts out over the rest
Cry your fears out to the best
Call your lies out under your skin
Bleed to mercy your forgiven sin
You ask why? Why? You ask why? Why?

0

JUST KEEP DOING IT

Laurie Markvart blog on Just Finish It

Lately, the Nike “Just Do It” trademark is everywhere I look. Yes, their trademark has been around for a long time, but it’s become more prominent to my curious eye. Maybe because every time I squat down at the gym to grab a Kettlebell the Nike Swoosh on my shoe stares right back at me, screaming, “Just Do It!”

Nike is known for that singular theme. It’s so simple, so robust and frankly, misleading? Shit, nothing is as singular as “Just Do It.” Unless you’re talking about taking out the trash or feeding a crying baby. But, to “just do” the bigger things in life, like maintaining a relationship, raising kids, getting healthy and fit, navigating a career, or changing your life path, “Just Do It” isn’t enough. The big things require more than one action. They need a constant effort, a focused plan. And, I’m noticing it more and more in the last seven months after I left my corporate job of ten years, to “Just Do It.”

It was a good job, but it wasn’t the best for me, and most definitely not my calling. And, it took me a long time to get ready, to silence the qualm, and “Just Do It,” to quit and pursue my passion and purpose as a writer and musician. But, what I’m learning along the way is “Just Do It” is not about a result or a destination. In life, there is no guarantee your efforts will garner a reward, a payoff, a finish line or a destination besides death (oops..spoiler alert!). But, being ready and showing up is where it’s at. So my new mantra is: “Just KEEP Doing It.”

In my effort to “Just KEEP Doing It,” I will keep writing daily because I purely enjoy it. I’m showing up! Do I want my work published? HELL to the YES. A gal has to make some money. A guarantee when this will happen? I’m not sure but I’ll KEEP working on it and enjoy every day of it. Do I write songs for guaranteed radio play? No, I write because I f’n love it. When I’m at the gym or Yoga, do I enjoy the muscle burn of a squat or sweat dripping down my back, NO, but I desire the immediate fulfillment each rep or Yoga pose gives me. Will I ever hit my ideal BMI? Maybe? But, not a guarantee. But I’ll continue the process and “Just KEEP Doing It” because TODAY is the reward.

We all have goals, aspirations, hopes, and dreams but we can’t hang our hat on fulfilling them. There is no guarantee that if we “Just Do It” we will “Just Get It.” So, we MUST enjoy each moment while we’re in the process.

Unfortunately, I see too many people working with the old mantra “Just Do It.” They’re slugging away, despairingly at their job or their family duties, or the gym, apparently holding off their joy until they reach their destination or their milestone. You know the ones I’m talking about. The ones you’d like to say, “Hey, Darth Vadar when’s the last time you took some time off? You’re a little angry?” They might be pursuing authentic goals for retirement, a distant vacation, weight loss, financial security, getting the kids off to college, etc. And all those are legitimate BUT do their long term goals bring DAILY satisfaction and happiness? Because, what if they don’t reach their goals?

I just watched a great Goalcast motivational video by actor Peter Dinklage called “Light Up the Night.” He talked about walking away from the security of a job that he hated but clung to for six years out of fear before deciding to make the leap into acting. His question to the audience, “Maybe I was afraid of change, are you?” I love his approach, his thoughts, his attitude. He “Just Did It” but he lived EVERY day as who he should be, with no guarantee of the outcome of who he would be. As he said, “When I was 29, I told myself, the next acting job I get, no matter what it pays, I will from now on, for better or worse, be a working actor.” If you watch, you’ll see he sure didn’t do it over night. He had to “Just KEEP Doing It.”

Our future feels limitless. But, TODAY is limited. I’m not encouraging anyone to make a significant change, quit a job or do lots of squats at the gym. Unless you want to! But, I’m encouraging everyone to be authentic to “today.” If you love your job, enjoy it daily, and DON’T do it for a future promotion or a big retirement package. If you like saving money, do it but remember that a planned vacation or retirement is only as good as your health is to enjoy it. If you love your kids, spend time with them. Or stalk them with a phone tracker like I do my teenager. And if you hate to exercise, acknowledge yourself after your workout with a pat on the back for at least showing up.

Overall, take inventory, and make sure each day brings joy and fulfillment. Make sure you’re happy TODAY  because “Just Do It” is so much more than the finish line. Who knows what tomorrow brings? We never know the outcome of anything until it’s over. So, “Just KEEP Doing It.”

 

 

 

 

 

0

Life Lessons from Joshua Tree, CA

Laurie Markvart, writing about kids, family, and life from Joshua Tree, CA

You know when you go on vacation to a really great place, like a really great place, where Instagram or Facebook can’t do it justice. And how you swear the sun sets differently and the stars sparkle in an unlike way and even the morning sun, you ponder, looks altered when it rises. Well, I’m hardly up for a sunrise, but you get my drift. The place that makes you pause and go, “Whoa.”

As I’m writing this, my teenage son and I are staying in a calming, beautifully renovated 1970s ranch style Airbnb in Joshua Tree, CA. The home sits high on a mountain vista against the north side of the Joshua Tree National Park where two different deserts come together, the Mojave and Colorado. Just like my teenage son and me: different.

Tonight, from the comfortable outdoor patio, the panoramic majestic views and sunset make me pause and think, “Wow, I could live here.” Until, my teenage son interrupts my lavish thoughts with, “Mom, this is soooooo boring out here. When do we go home?” “Son, we just got here.” He mumbles something and goes inside to the converted garage game room. Yes, this Airbnb has a game room: Pool table and TV for his PS4. So, please…stop the complaining, son. But, see, he’s just graduated 8th grade, and his head is figuratively back in L.A. with his friends who will be off to different high schools in the fall, and it’s hitting him hard he’s not hanging with them now. He’s known these guys for nine years. Basically, most his life so I can’t deny his feelings of loss and fear even though I am aware he’ll recover.

See, I thought, before he embarks into a tight summer schedule of high school sports and academic camps, I’d take him away for a 3-night mini vacay. I’ll get him out of the intensity of Los Angeles, so we can experience some down time, play tourist, get to know each other again: outside of yelling and scrambling to make school deadlines, and maybe (hopefully?) we’ll get some sleep. But before we had hit I-10 East out of L.A. he was asking:

      1) Did you pack my PS4?

      2) Is there WIFI?

      3) What about my friends?

      4) Is there a pool?

      5) Did you bring my soccer ball?

      6) When do we come back?

The reality is, I can’t deny the teenager brain, albeit annoying. I try as any parent to correct and teach him, but until he grows through this period, I acknowledge the obvious: he encompasses all the narcissistic and demanding emotions only a teenager is capable. Well, sometimes, he can be compassionate, engaging, wise, endearing and incredibly loving. A glimpse at the young man he’s becoming. But until that time, EVERYTHING is boring (except his friends, PS4, and soccer). Right now, he has major FOMO, and I have ICGAS. Okay, I’ll spare you googling if you don’t know: FOMO – Fear Of Missing Out. ICGAS: I Can’t Give A Shit. But, I do give a wee bit of a shit ‘cause to him, his requests are very, very important. So, when I found this swank house that took care of his number 1-3 concerns, I was happy. Am I an indulgent parent? ICGAS, I need this vacay too!

As for number 5 – it’s too damn hot during the day for soccer, and for number 4, there is no pool, but there is a very nice outdoor Jacuzzi and on our first night we took a dip and challenged each other to who could stand up from the water in the cool night desert wind the longest. He won. We also had a competitive game of Pool. I won. We also saved a desert mouse from entrapment behind a window screen. We’ve seen lizards, snakes, and many wild rabbits and even examined rabbit droppings during a mini-hike. So, we are bonding over challenges, desert creatures, and rabbit poop. It’s not all PS4 and me staring at sunsets alone. But, getting back to that sunset. Tonight is an orange, red warmth ball peeking through the western mountain range of Juniper and Joshua trees and I sit stunned by the beauty. Alone, yes. My son is inside engaged in a PS4 battle with friends back in L.A. but that’s okay, I need this sunset more than he does. He can’t “see” it yet anyway.

I look around at the other houses in the distance, but I see no one outside. Are other people not looking at this sky? This sunset is spectacular! I assume they’ve stopped what they’re doing to look at this, right? Like, every night? But, maybe this is normal to them, this type of sunset? This is their everyday beauty, and they’re used to it? Maybe they don’t notice anymore?

I see this sunset because it’s new to me, so I’m soaking in every detail. But, when we (collectively including myself) become used to our everyday beauty, maybe we don’t notice anymore? Whether it’s sunsets, quiet rides home from school, or panicked trips TO school, or just the pure beauty of those loved ones in our everyday lives. It’s your partner, your neighbors, your kids, your hobbies, your job, your passions, your whatever. Sometimes we forget the beauty, and we need to step back and go, “Wow, I love living here. In my life.”

So, here I sit on the Airbnb patio, enjoying someone else’s sunset but when I look at the patio doors, I see my sunset in my teenager, having a blast playing PS4 with his friends 150 miles away. He is not at all giving a shit about the outdoor sunset or my awareness of him, and that is okay. Someday he’ll be aware. But for now, he has his sunset, and that’s his buds. For me, I have the knowledge he’s happy, healthy and I’m at the moment in Joshua Tree thinking, “I love living here. In my life.”

Cue: sunset shot.

1

For Mother’s Day: A Tribute to My Late Mom, Her Persistence, and Mark Hamill’s Willingness

Laurie Markvart blog on Mark Hamill

          A long time ago in a galaxy far…okay, you’ve heard that one already. But, my story is just as epic (in my mind anyway), especially since it involves my mother, and none other than Luke Skywalker himself, Mark Hamill.

          I grew up in a tiny town in Wisconsin called Waterloo. When Star Wars came out in 1977, Waterloo’s population was about two-thousand people. The population now: three-thousand and some change. You get my drift: small, farming community in the land of milk, cheese, friendly people, and a take no shit, tell it like it is, gets the job done woman, my mother, Mary Ann Archie.

          In 1977, Star Wars played for months at our one-screen theater in Waterloo called The Mode. My Mom would take us every weekend. As a kid, The Mode was more than a theater to me, it was a transport device that carried me all over the world by way of the movies. With Star Wars, it took me into another galaxy.

          I can’t count how many times I saw Star Wars in 1977 because I don’t have enough fingers. But, I do remember, with each Star Wars film through 1983, I was a young teenager and smitten beyond belief with Mark Hamill. So much so that I inscribed with a permanent marker on the metal light pole in front of our house…Laurie Loves Mark Hamill. Naturally, I drew a heart around it, arrow included. I thought for sure if I made my love known to the Waterloo townsfolk and to the galaxy, maybe the Force would be with me and bring Mark Hamill to my little town of Waterloo and rescue me to more exciting places.

          After graduating high school, I left Waterloo in hyperdrive. I was a budding musician and actress looking for new adventures. My aspirations took me to Minneapolis, Austin, New York City, and eventually landing in Los Angeles. All along the way, my mom would cheer me on from her stoop in Waterloo, encouraging me to reach for the stars. Until one day the stars came to her.

          Lightspeed ahead to 2001-2002. Mom is still living her content life in Waterloo, and I’m now residing in Los Angeles, a struggling musician, and actress. The light pole and my admittance of love for Mark Hamill lost in my memory banks. Until Mom calls and announces the unbelievable. Mark Hamill is in Waterloo. He is filming a movie called Reeseville. Just a fact: Reeseville is another little town in Wisconsin. Just up the road from Waterloo. Population: Even smaller than Waterloo. 

          I recall the manic phone call as such:

          “Laurie, Mark Hamill is in Waterloo. I can’t believe this! Mark Hamill! He’s here to film a movie. In little Waterloo! I wonder if he’ll eat at the diner? Do you want me to get his autograph? I’ll tell him about the light pole!” 

          I’m now a thirty-four-year-old woman reduced to an embarrassed teenager. I plead, “Oh, Mom! No, that’s crazy! I forgot about the light pole! No, no. Please, that’s not necessary.”

          “But, Laurie. He’s Mark Hamill. And you’re someone too! You’re a musician and actress. I’ll bring him your headshot.”

          “Oh, God, Mom, no. That’s just too much.”

          “Nothing is too much for me, Laurie. I’ll get that autograph. You just wait,” she says and hangs up. Oh, crap.

          Now, I’m horrified as I think she’ll just embarrass herself. I’m truly no-one, and for her to parade over to him with my headshot and declare my importance? And my adolescent love for him? Dreadful. 

          Reassuring myself, I think, I’ve been around the business enough to know there will be some form of security, a barricade, some type of force between her and Mark Hamill. Even in Waterloo. She won’t get near him. More importantly, I don’t want her feelings hurt. But then again, she is a force to reckon with. She is no daisy. Well, I think, May the Force be with you, Mom.

          Days pass, and I don’t hear anything from Mom about Mark Hamill or the galaxy for that matter. I assume she didn’t meet him and had chosen to not confess her failure. Until I check the mail. There I find an 8 ½ x 11 manila envelope addressed in my mother’s handwriting to Laurie Marks. Also, there are multiple DO NOT BEND notices on it. Notable point…Laurie Marks is the stage name I used at the time, and it’s the name on the headshot Mom presumably put into the correct hand(s) to get an autograph from Mark Hamill. Hence, the contents of the manila envelope. 

          His autograph, on an 8 ½ x 11 piece of white paper, not only has his signature but his profession of love for me (okay, remember the fantasy part and the light pole here, people): Mark Hamill LOVES LAURIE MARKS! Yes, with an exclamation mark. He includes the heart around our names and the arrow. Jeez, he even went a bit further and included scalloped edging. I didn’t even do that on the pole! Damn, this guy is good. Well, he IS Luke Skywalker.

          Impressed by his detailed autograph, I think…either he is that generous and with a good sense of humor to draw the heart and/or my mom is as persuasive and persistent as I know she is and he indulged her. Or, how about both.

          She would never tell me the details on how she obtained the autograph, and I never pushed, honoring her cunning skills to follow through on something in which she sets her mind. She would only say, “I waited a long, long time but it was worth it, to get it for you.” 

          So, thank you, Mark Hamill. Oh, pause, can I call you Luke? Okay, sorry. Continuing…Thank you, because this is my first Mother’s Day without her. She passed in June 2016. Finding your autograph only reminds me how cool you are and how special she was – the actual force in our family. 

          And if by chance you did meet her in person that day in Waterloo, then you met a great broad. But, if she got your autograph through security, staff, and/or bribes (an offering of booze, cigarettes or a good joke), that is okay too. It doesn’t matter. The message of the light pole got to you, and your response made her day. You brought her to a more exciting place. And in return, my reward – a happy and star-struck Mom and the knowledge she would do anything for her family.

          Oh, lastly and not lost on me at all, my long-time fantasy also fulfilled: a heart-shaped message, from Luke Skywalker, complete with an arrow. I guess the galaxy was listening. 

0

When I’m Not Writing, I’m Singing, and I’m Doing It in Front of People This Sunday!

Laurie Markvart Live at Bar Lubitsch

When I’m not writing, or blogging, or talking, or thinking, or bs’n…I’m singing.  And I’m singing this Sunday, April 23, 7:30pm at Bar Lubitsch. You can buy advance tickets here (suggested):

https://www.eventbrite.com/e/laurie-markvart-unplugged-tickets-33743184774

Until then…here’s a taste of the lyrics from the song GIVE ME ALL that will start the show. The song can also be purchased on iTunes if you want to get a listen before Sunday.

Hope to see you there. Cheers!

Always close to nothing
But closer than before
I hate to knock anything
Although it’s such a bore

To forgo any love
To trade for some luck
Hoping for tomorrow
I will not be so stuck
Trivial little happiness
At my finger tips

(©) lauriemarkvart

0

A Poem for the Compassionate Man

Laurie Markvart blog on sanity, with laughs included.

Okay, ladies, we may hammer back when we defend ourselves against men who come at us publicly or privately about our…yup…menstrual cycle. Those guys who say things like, “Oh, she must be on her period, that’s why she’s a bitch.” Or worse yet they call another guy a bitch and ask him if he’s on his period. Sorry guys, he’s not on his period. Possibly he’s just not a dick like you.

Back to the “period,” or commonly called by many women, (honesty alert here!), “the rag,” “the red baron,” “TOTM,” “the monthly visitor,” “Aunt Flo,” “pipes have burst.”  See, women can joke about it because WE must deal with it. And when guys think they are “dealing” with it ’cause their woman is dealing with it…sorry…that’s like saying, “Yeah, I had a flat tire, and I had to watch Bob the mechanic put on a new tire, and it took forever. What a drag that was.”

The truth is, guys will never know what women go through and we can’t hold that against them. But, we can hold against them their acts of unkindness, lack of consideration, and intolerance to women. Usually, these actions are due to their lack of proper education by their mother or sisters. Or, they are so uncomfortable with the subject they find it easier to joke about or condemn it or worst of all tell a woman when she seems to be losing her shit, “It’s all in your head.” Actually guys…it’s all in our ovaries. That’s where it starts. 

This isn’t meant to be a feminist post today or a slam to men. I’m taking this the other direction. This is to acknowledge those guys who ARE loving, patient and compassionate to what their woman goes through. These are the guys who know to get the hell out the way when they see it coming and support their woman by giving her space and not condemning her. Or, especially for those guys who listen, give their time, energy, and love to their woman and honor her. These are the actual soldiers and REAL men. So, ladies let’s honor our men too. There are many good ones out there. And here’s to mine:

He talks me off an edge
He brings me down
He gently eases my head
Not sure how he wears the crown

To always rise when I am low
To always fight for me, not dispose
To always pull me through
No complaint as he goes

I may cry, I may scream
Never at him
He knows what I mean
I shutter at my own dismay
Honored he stays, yet another day

This man captains a wayward ship
His beloved trips upon her own weary lip
She does not know when she’ll return
Yet, her heart for him will always yearn.

0

“Should I Stay” – Lyrical Poem for the Day

Laurie Markvart blog - music promo photo

Today, I’m sharing poetic lyrics of memory. Not sure when I’ll set the music but when that flows, I will.  If it doesn’t, then it’s just a poem.

My muse-in the past. Gone. But I still look for her. The needs of a daughter do not disappear with the departed. Nor do the issues of why she drove me crazy or why I loved her so much.

Today, poetic lyrics. Getting it out, letting it flow and being in THIS moment. Someday, acceptance. Just not today. And that is okay ’cause I can’t go back, and I certainly can’t jump forward. And sorry to say, this applies to all of us. Unless you have a time machine. And if you do, DM me. I’d love to hear about it. xo

#bepresent, #beintheflow, #beinthemoment

Should I stay
 Should I walk away
 Does it pay to know how you feel

Should I stay
 Should I lie down next to you
 Cry for a while

Memories, you and me
 Blanket my mind
 Tell me I should run, hide

But I look at you
 And I see what you do
 And I know for now, I’ll stay

Should I stay
 Give us another day
 I can’t breathe for you

Should I stay
 Give it more time to play
 In my head, broken, astray 
 But today, I’ll stay

©Laurie Markvart
0

Create a website or blog at WordPress.com

Up ↑